Many folks dread hearing, “I’d like to give you some feedback” from anyone–whether that’s a boss, a peer or a team member. And because they clearly loathe receiving feedback, those who are giving feedback often hold back, hinting at or sugar-coating what could be done differently or better.
Giving effective feedback can be very challenging, even for experienced leaders. There are managers and leaders who will avoid having difficult conversations, which our coaches like to call essential conversations.
It’s human nature to feel uncomfortable, annoyed or even angry when someone wants to share ideas about how things went wrong or could be better, but there are times it can be exponentially worse. People generally don’t respond well if they think that the person giving feedback is:
- flexing power over them
- arrogant
- interfering in work that doesn’t concern them
- overstepping their own role
- trying to make them look bad to others
- needlessly critical and judgemental
- ignorant of mitigating circumstances
The perceived intention and authority of the person giving feedback is a determining factor in how the recipient will react. When there is an assumption that someone has bad or misguided intentions or is abusing their position, the recipient will usually react defensively and feel resentful.
(Pro tip: Review the ladder of assumptions because there are times that folks misread situations and assume someone holds certain beliefs or acts certain ways when that’s not the case.)
Examples of Feedback that Fails–and Why
- “You didn’t understand the assignment. If you’d asked for help, we wouldn’t have missed the deadline.”
This feedback judges the individual and makes assumptions about what went wrong. It’s quite personal, which will most likely provoke strong feelings of being attacked. When folks feel defensive, they usually stop listening. For communication about sensitive subjects to work, the recipient’s listening style matters. - “I know you gave it your all, but we’ve missed the boat on this. Could you take another run at it?”
It can be hard to deliver feedback, so some folks default to using clichés. The problem is that this feedback is very general and vague. The recipient will feel they’ve done something wrong, but they won’t necessarily know what. They might not know how to improve when they re-do the work. - “I hear from the team that you’ve been distracted a lot lately. In fact, Jason says you fell asleep in the planning meeting and missed the last two deadlines.”
It might seem easier to relay information attributed to others, but mentioning other people’s feedback can cause the recipient to feel targeted by a group. Gossip and triangulation are unhealthy ways of communicating that can destroy work relationships. It’s better to ask curious questions to find out what’s going on and to speak to what you know without bringing other people into the conversation. - “You always arrive late to client meetings and embarrass the team. You never apologize and it’s got to stop or you’re going to be looking for a new job.”
Always and never are sweeping generalizations, which feel unfair and exaggerated. It’s better to speak to specific examples that demonstrate a pattern of behaviour than to argue there isn’t ever an example of something positive. Just give a few examples–don’t go on too long or it feels like a prolonged attack that will be too much to process. Being clear about the potential consequences is important but threatening creates animosity (and a job performance conversation shouldn’t be menacing). - “Oh, wow. Did you realize that your marketing campaign would flop so badly?”
Using sarcasm and unkind questions is cruel and counterproductive. Making fun of someone or belittling them will not encourage an open dialogue. Humour is not appropriate for a serious conversation that will make the recipient feel vulnerable. Team members respond much better to caring and respectful conversations that make them feel supported and encouraged to stretch, learn and grow.
Why Effective Feedback Matters
It’s important to celebrate wins, review areas that need improvement and evaluate work that’s in progress or completed. Taking a feedforward approach to feedback shares future-focused suggestions that will support success (rather than looking back at what’s happened). There are some researchers who argue that leaders should focus on strengths rather than weaknesses, but ignoring deficits or challenges won’t help people improve.
Striking the right tone and balance between positive and negative feedback can be challenging, but being able to have candid conversations that don’t trigger the recipient into a flight-or-fight reaction will help the person giving the feedback and the recipient figure things out and move forward. Effective feedback helps to refine processes and develop talent.
Using an Effective Feedback Formula that Works
The Center for Creative Leadership (CCL) teaches the Situation-Behaviour-Impact (SBI) feedback model as a way to share positive or negative feedback in a caring and professional way that won’t make folks feel alarmed or threatened.
Ideally, feedback should be shared regularly with the three-step SBI model:
- Situation: Describe the situation, giving context for time and place as well as grounding the conversation in observations that are detailed but factual and fair.
- Behaviour: Calmly state the behaviour that warrants discussion. Stick to facts, not opinions.
- Impact: Describe the outcome of the behaviour, whether it was positive or negative. Again, stick to facts rather than opinion.
Example of Giving Effective Feedback with the SBI Model
“When we took the client to lunch today, I noticed that you cut me off when I was describing the recent work we’ve done on this project. You also jumped in when Darryl was talking and you started talking about sports. Interruptions make it hard for us to focus on our messaging. I really wanted the client to hear what Darryl had to share but we weren’t able to steer the conversation back to him. I was frustrated and didn’t get to hit the points we wanted with the client. I’m curious why this happened a couple of times. Can you give me your perspective?”
Notice that this feedback follows the SBI model and sticks to facts shared without commentary, assuming the individual’s motivation or assigning blame.
Situation: The leader opens by starting with the time and place for the discussion. The feedback to follow is related to when “they took the client to lunch today” and things didn’t go as planned. The context is clear and communicated in a very direct way.
Behaviour: The leader gives specific details, not generalized, about the behaviour that didn’t work at the lunch. Saying, “I noticed that you cut me off…You also jumped in…” is respectful and indicates a desire to learn what’s happening rather than make accusations (“I’m curious why…”).
Impact: The third part of the SBI model is highlighting the impact of the behaviour observed. In this case, the leader shares that the delegation wanted the client to hear what Darryl was sharing, but that was interrupted and they couldn’t bring the conversation back to that discussion. Ultimately, they “didn’t get to hit the points we wanted with the client.” Talking about the impact of the behaviour provides the context for WHY this was problematic.
The recipient is more likely to listen to the feedback delivered with the SBI model because it’s factual and indicates the issues without judgement. It invites a two-way conversation that is focused on figuring out what’s happened or happening and the pathway forward. This model allows the recipient to share reasons, extenuating circumstances and possible solutions.
Ideally, feedback is regular and becomes routine. Even better, in-the-moment coaching is part of the leader’s toolkit to help team members discover the answers and solutions themselves.
The Benefits of Timely and Effective Feedback
When managers and leaders give regular feedback well, there are several benefits. These include:
- Establishing and strengthening trust among members of the team.
- Encouraging a culture that values learning, growing and healthy conflict.
- More acceptance of feedback and a willingness to listen.
- Motivating team members to keep doing things that result in success, modify things that aren’t working as well as they could and change things that aren’t working well.
- Improving morale, commitment and loyalty.
Leaders can also model openness to hearing how things are going and inviting evaluations by seeking feedback from employees. For this to be successful, leaders must be confident and employees have to feel it’s safe to share candidly.
Coach’s Questions
Are there times you’ve provided feedback to someone and it went badly? Can you identify what might have stopped the recipient from being receptive? What will you change when you provide feedback now?
