With the best of intentions, you schedule one-to-one meetings with your team members and put them in your calendar.
You really want to have effective one-to-one meetings, but then they get bumped or cut short because of competing priorities.
When they do happen, more often than not, you lead with what’s on your plate or what you consider a priority. The conversation is okay, but the team member walks away without feeling clearer about their concerns, more supported or more engaged.
How often do your team members secretly think, what was the point of that meeting? Or, why do we always run out of time before I get to share my questions?
When Harvard Business Review (HBR) contributor Steven G. Rogelberg interviewed 250 employees, he found that nearly half of direct reports rated their one-to-one meetings with managers as suboptimal. This isn’t because managers don’t care; it’s because they don't run meaningful one-to-one meetings.
If one-to-one meetings are done well, they are one of the most powerful tools you can use as a leader. In an earlier blog, we explored how effective one-to-one meetings build a solid culture of engaged employees.
Why Most One-to-One Meetings Fall Flat
Research shows that employees who meet individually with their manager weekly are 1.5 times more likely to be highly engaged in their work.
But remember the meetings have to matter.
It’s never good to hold a meeting just to have a meeting. Too often, one-to-one meetings feel performative rather than productive. (That’s when they’re called suboptimal by employees!)
Poor one-to-one meetings typically feature:
- quick status updates,
- manager-led agendas and
- surface-level check-ins.
Poorly executed one-to-ones aren't the only problem. According to Gallup, manager engagement also dropped from 30 percent to 27 percent in 2024—the steepest decline of any worker group.
When managers disengage, employees follow.
Here's what to do before, during and after your one-to-ones to make them meaningful, consistent and worth everyone’s time.
Before the Meeting: Set Up for Success
Preparing for a one-to-one meeting requires more than booking them in your calendar. These meetings are a signal to your team about how you lead.
When you hold effective one-to-one meetings, you’re saying to staff that their growth, their challenges and their perspectives matter to you.
Begin by sharing with your team members why you’re going to have one-to-one meetings with them. (If you’ve been holding the kind that fall flat, tell everyone how you’re going to start a new approach.)
Next, establish a consistent cadence for the meetings. Weekly 30-minute meetings with your direct reports are the gold standard.
If weekly meetings seem like too much, biweekly meetings can work (but aren't ideal in a fast-changing environment). Monthly is too infrequent to build real trust and momentum.
Consistency is more important than perfection. If you absolutely must cancel, make certain you reschedule within the same week. Virtual meetings are rated as slightly less desirable than in-person meetings, but they’re an option to consider if you can fit a meeting into your schedule rather than skipping it for the week. Just remember how to set up your online meetings for success.
Skipping a meeting sends a message, even if you don’t intend to do that. Folks will feel that you don’t value their input if you bump them.
Pro tip: Agenda ownership is also a leadership signal. As you consider the agenda, remember that your team member’s topics should drive the agenda for the one-to-one meeting. When they lead the conversation, it underscores that this time is for them—not you.
This is what leading others looks like in practice.
During the Meeting: Be a Good Listener
According to Rogelberg from HBR, the biggest predictor of a successful one-to-one meeting is how much the employee talks.
Ideally, your team member will talk for between 50 to 90 percent of the conversation. Your job as the manager is to listen.
In a one-to-one meeting, your job is not to direct the conversation. It’s to listen, use leadership coaching skills and explore what the employee shares.
Start the meeting by being fully present. This means your laptop is closed, notifications are off and your phone is out of reach on silent. Your attention sets the tone.
Ask open-ended questions and wait, giving space for your team member to think and reply. Resist the urge to offer advice or solutions.
When you lean into curiosity, Padraig's COACH Approach becomes powerful:
C—Clarify the goal.
O—Observe what’s happening.
A—Ask powerful questions.
C—Commit to Action.
H—Honour and Help them move forward.
Here are a few simple conversation prompts you can use:
What’s been most challenging for you this week?
Where do you feel stuck right now?
What’s something you’d like to get better at?
How can I better support you?
What’s energizing you—or draining you—at work lately?
Topics you discuss should weave in longer-horizon themes (career development, growth, team culture)—not just immediate fires.
Only after you fully understand their perspective should you share your own thoughts if you still find it necessary to do so.
When you consistently conduct one-to-one meetings this way, some important things happen.
- Trust builds.
- Psychological safety increases.
- Conversations become more honest (and therefore more useful).
You’ll find that folks are more prepared to share after a few effective one-to-one meetings with you.
After the Meeting: Close the Loop
Most managers skip this step, yet it’s where trust is either reinforced or lost.
As you end the meeting, summarize key takeaways:
- What did you hear?
- What matters most to you moving forward?
- Who is responsible for X, Y or Z?
If there are any commitments (on their part or on your part), record them as action items.
Be sure to follow through on commitments for which you are responsible. If you said you could remove a barrier to something, do it. If you agreed to revisit something, bring it back up at the next one-to-one meeting.
This signals continuity. Your follow-through builds trust as it reinforces that the meeting wasn’t a one-off. Instead, the points you discussed matter.
Over time, ask for feedback after the one-to-one meetings. You can ask things like:
- Are these meetings helpful to you?
- What would make them more valuable for you?
Consistent meetings and follow-through contribute to building psychological safety. This, in turn, makes future one-to-ones even better.
Reframe: It’s Vital—Not a Burden
Deep down, do you feel that meeting for one-to-ones is too much when you're already busy?
Time is a common objection managers have to weekly one-to-one meetings.
Rogelberg reminds managers in his HBR article that meeting for 30 minutes every week adds up to no more than 25 hours per person over a full year.
For perspective, that’s less time than you’ll have to spend otherwise dealing with the consequences of disengagement, misalignment or high staff turnover.
One-to-one meetings aren’t a burden; they are a leverage point. The one-to-one meeting is where the alignment happens, trust is built and development takes place.
Are you serious about leading others? Holding one-to-ones isn’t optional.
Do these things consistently:
- Protect the one-to-one meeting time.
- Let your team member lead.
- Ask more than you tell.
- Follow through.
This way, your one-to-ones won’t feel like another meeting. They’ll become your most valuable leadership tool.
If you want support to build this capability, structured one-to-one coaching can help you develop the mindset and skills to lead essential conversations with confidence.
Leadership happens in conversations like these.
Coach’s Questions
When did you last have a one-to-one meeting where your team member did most of the talking? What made that possible? If your team members were honest, how would they rate the quality of your one-to-one meetings right now — and what would they say needs to change? What’s one thing you could do differently in your next one-to-one meeting to make it more about them and less about the work?
