Your meeting with team members about the implementation of a new process is not going well.
There’s one member who keeps bringing up the same complaint, bitterly and aggressively.
Another nods but hasn’t actually stepped up to say or do anything yet.
No one makes eye contact when you initiate conversation about a tough decision that has to be made.
Although everyone knows this change has to happen, no one seems ready or willing to move forward.
This is the messy part of change: Progress is slow, frustration builds and leaders puzzle about whether to step in and start directing or push harder. Change falters—and fails—in these moments of friction when folks are resistant, hesitant and uncertain.
The friction and discomfort are inevitable. Coaching through change in real time helps folks proceed.
Why Change Demands In-the-Moment Coaching
One way to help team members move from stuck to forward is using in-the-moment coaching.
Traditional leadership methods of directing, correcting or trying to force compliance make things worse and reinforce resistance. In-the-moment coaching is a more effective approach; instead of telling folks what to do, you help them to think, process and act.
Having to manage change creates countless coaching moments, whether it’s confusion about priorities, resisting new systems or technology, avoiding difficult conversations or teams getting stuck in fear or blame.
At Padraig, we help leaders learn how to use a COACH Approach to build stronger teams. This is a daily leadership approach that is grounded in curiosity. Instead of solving problems and telling people what to do, you ask them questions so they can figure out solutions. When someone sees a situation differently, insight can be turned into action. In a fast-paced workplace, unlocking motivation, agility and adaptability must happen with immediacy.
Author William Bridges made an important distinction between change and transition.
Change is the external event — a new system, a restructure, a policy shift.
Transition is the internal, psychological journey each person must make in response. While that may appear to be simply clarifying definitions, Bridges also signaled a process people go through for the transition:
- the Ending (letting go of what was),
- the Neutral Zone (a period of uncertainty and creative possibility)
- the New Beginning (embracing the new way forward). People navigate these stages at their own pace, and knowing where your team members are in this journey shapes what kind of coaching support will be most helpful.
Understanding how people typically react to change helps leaders coach those folks more effectively.
Psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross also identified an emotional curve that individuals often move through when transitioning through change. As folks go through Bridges' stages of Ending, Neutral and New Beginning, they may cycle through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, ultimately, acceptance. Not everyone moves through these stages at the same pace or in the same order, and the same person may react differently to different changes.
Recognizing where someone is on their transition through change (Ending, Neutral, New Beginning) and where they are in their current emotions (denial, anger, bargaining, depression or acceptance) helps leaders respond with empathy rather than frustration and ask the right coaching questions at the right moment.
When Someone Complains About Change
It’s easy to dismiss complaints as negativity or counter them with logic or authority. However, complaints are often signals that team members are feeling afraid, uncertain and unheard.
When you label someone as a complainer or blocker of change, that shuts down the conversation. Curiosity opens dialogue, which lets you dig deeper.
Asking questions and listening to understand is part of coaching through change. You can query:
- What is your biggest concern about this?
- What feels unclear to you?
- What feels risky?
In this way, leaders can shift the conversation from hearing surface frustration to understanding the underlying concerns. Once these are aired, they can be addressed. More curious questions can help guide team members to understand what they can control and move toward acceptance.
Often, change feels overwhelming because it feels like something inflicted on everyone—being done to them. Coaching helps to reframe change as something folks have a part in managing.
When Someone Avoids Change
Some presume that someone avoiding change is lazy or unmotivated. It’s usually a sign of something deeper, like:
- fear of conflict,
- lack of confidence,
- worry about a skills gap, or
- uncertainty about how to proceed.
When folks are struggling with doubt or insecurity, pushing harder will increase resistance. Coaching, on the other hand, creates space and the psychological safety to explore what’s underneath.
Leaders can try asking:
- What makes this difficult for you to tackle right now?
- What feels most uncertain about this situation?
Questions such as these help folks discuss barriers that they might not have fully recognized are troubling them. Once their concerns are brought to light, you can help them find a way forward that feels manageable and aligned with their own best interest.
Pro tip: Once someone sees how addressing the situation benefits them (not just the organization), momentum follows.
When a Team Is Stuck
During times of change, some teams stall. It’s not usually due to a lack of capability or effort.
They stall when they get trapped in bickering about who is right. These blame loops are unproductive.
Rather than trying to referee the endless debate, a coaching approach reframes what’s happening.
Start by naming what you observe without assigning fault:
- It feels like we’re revisiting the same issue. What’s not being said yet?
This allows everyone to reflect on and share the unspoken concerns or hidden assumptions that keep them stuck.
Next, guide the group toward shared understanding:
- Where do we agree?
- What’s something we can all support moving forward?
This approach shifts the focus from winning an argument to making progress. It also encourages healthy conflict around ideas, which builds strong teams and organizations.
When a Group Hesitates About Embracing Change
Perhaps the best example of a group resisting change is when an organization introduces new software. When the leader makes the announcement, everyone is quiet—but the resistance is evident by the crossed arms and dour expressions.
One approach is to double down. Explain benefits, reinforce expectations and push for buy-in.
What’s more effective? Coaching through change.
Instead of trying to sell the rollout of the new software, as a leader, you could acknowledge how uncomfortable it is to learn new software. You could share your own experience learning how to use it, from challenges and mistakes to things that work well.
Sharing with vulnerability can ease tension and encourage people to embrace the change. When people feel leaders understand their hesitance to accept change, they’re more willing to engage. The conversation, ideally, will shift from resistance to exploration.
Integrating In-the-Moment Coaching into Your Leadership
There are three steps to using coaching in the workplace to manage change.
- Get curious. Resist the instinct to solve problems for or direct your team. Invite other perspectives first because understanding others is the foundation of any meaningful shift toward accepting change.
- Ignite insight. Use thoughtful questions, make neutral observations and share simple stories to help folks see things differently. Gaining insight can make them willing to take action.
- Create forward momentum. Once you help your team gain understanding, there’s still more to do. Ask questions like: What’s a good next step? What support would help you move forward?
This moves everyone to take action and ownership so they can make progress.
When you encounter complaints, hesitation or other moments or friction, remember this is an opportunity for coaching through change.
Leaders who are able to respond with curiosity, empathy and moving forward build teams that can navigate change with confidence.
Coach's Questions
Think about a recent moment when someone on your team resisted a change. What were you curious about—and what did you assume? Where do coaching moments show up most often in your day-to-day work? Are you treating them as opportunities or interruptions? What would shift in your organization if coaching through change became a habit at every level of leadership?
